Stop Bullying, Period

By: Paula Bronstein-Getty Images

I know a lot of you, are not familiar with my previous, ‘bullying’ blog posts, but I want to include you in this one and bring you up to speed.

Any Good Parent, will teach their children to help others in need. Whether it’s a simple fix, or a major catastrophe, we want our offspring to be willing and able to help the next in line.  Maybe it’s out of the goodness of our hearts, maybe it’s Karma based, it matters Not- as long as we Stop it!

Things we should teach our kids: “DO NOT BULLY- Tell me if you are BEING bullied- and Keep your eyes OPEN for other kids that might be bullied by someone Else!”  We no longer have the luxury of living in a ‘close the blinds,’ kinda’ world.  If you SEE something, SAY something- that’s what we’ve been taught as of late, regarding terrorism, and Bullying is a mental state of Terrorism.

No. It is NOT acceptable for our daughters to keep quiet, when they’ve seen abuse. NO.

NO. It is NOT OK, for our Sons to see or participate in Hazing. NO.

I ask as often as I can, while on the air, “Moms- LOOK at your kids! Do you see any signs of Bullying? Could they BE the bully, have been bullied or seen a bully in action?”

This is such an easy ‘Fix’- we just have to work Together.  It’s like glue,… once you mend the seam, it closes in the ‘bully gene,’ and/or protects the innocent, from being attacked.

When the word ‘bully’ is introduced in a teen or pre-teen conversation, we naturally assume it’s by another teen. This is not always the case, as My children and most likely Your children have encountered ‘Adult Bullies.’  I’d like to share the latest episode, which happened three days ago in a local High School.

My 18 year old daughter, had a problem. 

No Period.

After many doctors, blood tests, hugs and murmurs of ‘patience’, …she got it while she was in school!

If you think back, we all remember the discomfort of the ‘first time,’ the not being prepared, the self conscious feeling ‘that everyone is staring at us,’ … yes… it seems like yesterday, but we were a lot younger than 18, and we didn’t have medical concerns. 

She went to the nurse, and asked her for Midol.  The school nurse is not allowed to administer drugs to the students, so my daughter went to her locker, changed her pants into a stored pair of pajama pants, as her original pants were damaged, grabbed her cell phone, stepped outside to call me at 2pm, because she needed a change of clothes,medication and an over the phone, “I’m so Proud of you!”  This was a monumental day for All of us involved! The day we become a woman- able to bear children, able to join the ‘I can get pregnant’ club.

She took one step out the door, and a teacher yelled to her, “What do you think you’re doing? You can’t use that phone in this school, and you Know it.”

The thing is, my daughter was done with school, and volunteers to stay after to help teachers grade their papers, and even with that knowledge, she maintained respect.  She tried to explain that she was having ‘female problems, and needed her mom.’  This teacher continued with, “Don’t give me those teary eyes, and I don’t care about your problems, and  you look like a tramp in those pants with your skin showing, give me that phone!”  She then took the phone out of my daughter’s hand, and told her to go to the principal’s office.

BULLY.  What happened to, respecting a young adult, and maybe asking WHY she needed to call her mom? What happened to asking, “is there anything I can do to help?”  What happened to, hoping that the way she treated MY child, might have some bearing on the way someone in the future might treat HER child?  Where did all of that go? Lost in ‘BULLY-VILLE.’

My daughter called me, from a non-recognizable phone number, on the Proudest day of her ‘biological state of mind,’ kinda’ day, – in tears- not tears of joy, but tears of being beaten by this monster of a woman, that represented, “RULES AREN’T MADE TO BE BROKEN IN SCHOOL”- no matter What!

The woman put my daughter and myself on the speaker of this phone, without my knowledge, while I was busy congratulating her, not knowing that she was crying.

She jumped in, and said, “Your child broke the rules, and has had her phone taken away.”  I was shocked, that I was on a speaker- and that I had no clue my daughter was being abused in this way, until I heard my child sob.  I counteracted at that moment, and interrupted her by asking, “Who are you, and Where is my daughter’s phone?” Back and forth we went- until I finally had to get in the car to go meet this ‘bully’ in person. 

I had gotten off the air a couple of hours earlier, been to a client meeting, and truthfully- I was TIRED, and my patience wasn’t at ‘peak perforemance,’ but you know, – when YOUR child is being taken advantage of, … Do you NOT step up to the ‘Mother Plate?’

I got there- literally ran into this woman by accident- what are the odds of THAT, in a huge High School, where once again she tried to make my daughter into the villain.  I asked her if she had her phone, she replied that she’d given it to the Principal’s assistant.  I then asked her, “What gave you the right to destroy one of the most important days of my daughter’s life? What made you stop asking a child, ‘WHY- and are you OK’?”  She continued to point fingers  and it was clear that she lacked in ‘People Skills.’  WHO WORKS in a HS- if they don’t have People Skills??

It lead me to ask her two final questions, “What is Wrong with you?” “Where is the principal’s office, and would you like to join me?”

This blog is not about, fighting.  This is just an example of standing up for our kids- teaching them, to not lay down when they are being bullied, by either a pier or an adult.  STAND UP- and SAY something.  My daughter saw it all, and I know- she’ll do the same for HER daughters, if and when the time should arise.

We went to the assistant principal, who had my daughter’s phone. We waited twenty minutes to see her.  Spoke as civilized women, explained my ‘bully theory’ and she agreed.  It had been totally mishandled, …but she would not give me the phone, because ‘technically my daughter DID break the rule, by calling from in the building.’

I almost lost my mind at that point- (INSIDE my head)- she didn’t know, … my daughter knew-I said, “she did NOT break the rule- she was done with school, helping a teacher, and needed help herself. HOW do we get this phone back?”  She then passed me off to the Principal. 

What just happened here? We just encountered yet another ‘bullying moment.’  Make them wait… degrade them… make them feel like criminals… has ‘bully’ written all over it.

We then sat with the principal and explained the entire situation, I told her what I do for a living, and that once a day, I try my damnedest to put the ‘bully message’ out there, either via the airwaves, or by blog and that this was a classic case of bullying! 

I then added, if this woman is who you have representing you, it’s not a comforting thought to a mom like me, that’s got two more girls coming in next year.  

SHE AGREED.  Stood up, got the phone, handed it to my daughter and apologized for her staff.

Said she’s been working with this particular teacher, regarding the lack of these social skills, and would continue to do so.

You can’t ask for more than that.  This is what I mean when I say, “it’s a simple fix, if we all work together.” 

Bullying is wasted energy.  It’s Negative.  We could spend that same energy rewarding a child for Positive actions, and come away feeling good about ourselves And the child!

Bottom line- Some adults need to THINK before they reprimand a child- don’t throw them into GROUPS.  Kids DO THINK- and there are GOOD KIDS out there that don’t need to be treated like Criminals, because these adults are too lazy to determine which is which.

BULLYING- PEOPLE SKILLS- CUSTOMER SERVICE- ALL should be MANDATORY COURSES IN HIGH SCHOOL- NOT just for the Kids- but for the TEACHERS TOO.

I’ll just keep on, keepin’ on, till everybody gets it.